


Basics of Diplomacy

by Hawkwitch



Series: pre [5]
Category: Yes Minister
Genre: Gen, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-25 01:08:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4940869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hawkwitch/pseuds/Hawkwitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title: Basics of Diplomacy<br/>Characters: Jumbo<br/>Genre: Humour<br/>Rating: G<br/>Warnings: some nice words<br/>Summary: Approx. 10 years pre-canon. A day in the life of Jumbo</p>
            </blockquote>





	Basics of Diplomacy

Of course, everybody knew about Foreign Office’s frequent trips abroad and endless wining and dining with their counterparties in five-star hotels and restaurants all over the world. But still, Jumbo was careful that his friends running boring domestic affaires would not know the detail of how sweet and glamourous his life really was. Or these skinny bitches would die of jealousy. There had never been a Foreing Secretary who could keep up with this fairly liver-damaging schedule and still arrive into the office before noon. Jumbo would get into his office at 11 AM and would still have whole hour to drink coffee and catch up with the events which might have happened earlier in the morning. Such as some banana republic dictator being overthrown by his own militarist junta abroad or such as a government reshuffle at home. Between meetings he would have some very fruitful and inspiring conversations with the Chef of Foreing Office canteen.

Yet, sometimes he got bored and could hardly motivate himself to work. He had learned enough discipline not to wait until Sir Arnold starts motivating him. Instead, he would take a more proactive approach: visit a casino and gamble all his money. Only then he could feel sufficiently desperate and hungry to start working again.

The next day he went through his work in clarity and ease and it took only half of the time it would usually take.

„Would you like some salad to go with your dish, Sir Frederic?“ The Chef asked.

„No salad today, I am on diet.“

In the evening Jumbo would borrow 50 pounds from Sir Humphrey and then he’d go out to a bar. The place was crowded with people about 10 years younger than him. He knew the faces of many, but not the names. One of them started complaining:

„People are whispering behind my back that I purchased my diploma. It hardly seems to matter that I did not, as everybody appears to believe I am so thick I simply must have done this...“

„Listen, kid, I’ll tell you the basics of diplomacy. In case there is someone who is spreading false rumours about you, then you can, of course, ignore it, as usually it is impossible to prove they are lying, or you can follow the standard procedure for this kind of circumstances. 1) Track down who invented the rumour. 2) Take your friends and follow him wherever he is having dinner on Friday night. The more crowded the place is and the more witnesses there are, the better. 3) Then tell him to stop slagging you off and demand a public apology. Probably he would not apologize and then we get to the best part. 4) Then take him outside the restaurant and punch him in the face.“

He too had gotten slagged off once. Once was enough to reveal something that was not a rumour but a fact: that in his day Jumbo had been an amateur boxing champion in heavyweight category.


End file.
